Monthly Archives: February 2013

Book Release – “Forever Loving You”

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Does pretentious poetry make you want to projectile vomit, just for effect? Then you have found your proverbial hairball instigator with Forever Loving You.

Relive those horrible times of young adulthood, when you thought of yourself as a hopeless romantic, when in fact, you were just a selfish jerk looking for someone else to validate your happiness, and then became hurt and resentful when they broke your pathetic little heart.

Perhaps you are living that time in your life right now? And you’re too lazy to write your own poetic drivel? Well, fret not! Now, my little Don Juan, you can copy obscure lovepoems from this book no one has ever read, and pass the verses off as your own! Pepper them into your loveletters and she will think you’re a charming and upstanding gentleman, even when you both know you’re just a manipulative emotional blackmailer.

That’s right, boys and girls, Forever Loving You is page after page of hundreds of poems, all filled with the same longing and yearning and adoration and hope that you desperately cling to in your own life… plus it’s written with the simplicity of a lame greeting card in the supermarket.

I’m going to offend a lot of people by saying this, but it’s the truth – if you’re in your early twenties, you are probably a monumental asshole.

People often claim that teenagers are “know-it-alls” who think they are smarter than adults. This has never been my experience. Teenagers think they are smarter than their parents, yes, not smarter than all adults. I’ve had many teenage friends into my adult years and I can say from experience, teenagers treat adults with respect. Teenagers are scared shitless about their future. Where will they go to school? Can they survive in college? What will it be like to leave their friends? What should they do with their lives? Teenagers love getting advice from respected adults. Most teens are far from know-it-alls.

College kids, on the other hand…

Wow!

Those people are fucking twatwaffles.

Once a little kid spends a year in college, they think they know fuck all. Mommy and daddy are still supporting them, but they get to have a job, pick their classes in college, do their own laundry, stay out with no curfew. They even get to have awkward and clueless sex a few times. Maybe they get the guts to try some kinky shit and suddenly they’re the Emperor of a Roman orgy. They honestly believe they’re “men” and “women” even though they’re still not old enough to be trusted to rent a fucking car. The world is their oyster, and to people aged 19 to 23, they think anyone over 25 is a joke. Well, I got news for those children – when they finally reach the ripe old age of 25 themselves, they suddenly realize they were a completely worthless dildo for the past 6 years and it’s a wonder no one murdered their coffeeshop-loitering-ass simply because they are nothing more than a waste-of-space.

Forever Loving You is a book of poetry I wrote, back when I was a 20-something fucking asshole, just like them.

Lots of the book is comprised of “lovepoems” written to girls, back when I was a dumb bastard who honestly believed he was noble and chivalric. Nothing is more pathetic than a selfish prick who sincerely believes he’s an altruistic romantic. My only defense is to solemnly swear that I honestly didn’t know I was an utter toolbag. I couldn’t see what I was doing. I had no clue. The most dangerous player is one who has himself convinced he’s not a player.

In the aftermath of broken hearts and late night tears on telephones, the result is a book of shitty poems.

Corny? Yes. Melodramatic? Yes. But, these poems do possess the singular redeeming quality of being heartfelt and sincere… even if they were written when I was a great big jerk.

Forever Loving You, like all of my books, is available in hardcover, paperback, or as an eBook for your Kindle or Nook or iPad or whatever. Simply visit the website below to purchase the book in whatever format you desire:
www.Forever-Loving-You.com